A wonderful thing happened when I emailed the band asking “Can we rename our album ‘Institutional Jello’?” just a few days before launch of our 2019 release “The Endless Light of K Yamaguchi“. Our drummer Justin “Faceman” Cathcart had a koniption and exploded into a genius list of alternative album names. This golden list is in Justin Cathcart’s 8:14 PM rant reply below. Two other suggestions buried in the thread from other members are “Basic StinkStink” and “LEGLESS ARMLESS QUADRUPLE AMPUTEE EUNUCH” which are worth noting. Justin was actually also involved in creating “Basic StinkStink”.
Justin is just a hot mess as a person. He can’t even go buy milk without coming back injured or broke because he saw a farm tool sale (he lives in an appartment). However, being a naked nerve in the world often means he goes right for the centre no matter how hot the fire. In between the swearing and the bad grammar you’ll get these speeches which actually could heal the world if they were broadcast. Like Hendrix, Van Gogh, Janice Joplin and Sylvia Plath he burns himself bit by bit to give us a higher vision for our lives. We lose many great artists because they are this way so please, if you know someone like Justin, remember that they are a messenger of the divine. Care for them in the ways you can for they are not with us for long.
Please note we reserve all these titles for our next 27 albums but we’ll probably not get to them all so if you’d like to appropriate one for your album please let us know and we’ll have a meeting.
So the email thread started like this..
| jason cavener | Feb 18, 2019, 5:06 PM |
What do you guys think about re-naming the album “Institutional Jello”
| Raja Khanna | Feb 18, 2019, 6:49 PM |
| I like it. I like how it says “We love you, but in a structured way, but not too structured, because it is Jello after all”. I also love the allusions to Jello |
| Richard Lachman | Feb 18, 2019, 7:12 PM |
I appreciate that, like the horses’ hooves and cartilaginous tissue boiled down to make gelatin, the album is itself a distillation of the deviated septum and gristly coagulum of our musical corpus. Does industrial jello come in those little transparent cups? Because I don’t think that’s really appropriate, releasing an album in little transparent cups. I think the new MacBook doesn’t even come with a little transparent-cup player anymore, it’s all USB-C. But mostly, what if K. Yamaguchi is vegan and gets really mad at us for associating her with animal by-products? We don’t really want to face an angry vegan olympic champion figure skater. I make it a point never to eat any vegan with a face.
| Justin Cathcart | Feb 18, 2019, 8:14 PM |
JESUS CRIST!!! ARE YOU KIDDING MEE!?!? I’m SERIOUSLY thinking about quitting the band. Again. You’re being ridiculous JC. And you’re ALLL being ridiculous for humouring him with all these name stupid changes!!
THE ALBUM IS DONE!! IT’S DOOONE!!! No, we can’t change the name. NO, NO we can’t fix how SHITTY the album sounds. NO, NO, AND TRIPLE NO, YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY MORE TOMS, GRIMLOCK!!! IT’S OOOVVVEERRR!!! DONE!!
And I’m putting it out there… If we change the name I QUIT!! I just can’t take it anymore. Institutional jello?!!? INSTITUTIONAL JEllo?!? Are yahoo serious?!?! Sounds dumb. And you’re dumb for suggestion such a dumb name.
And no one even responded to my album name list. That really hurts. I put a lot of time into my list. I think that ALL THE NAMES on my list DESTROY stupid Institutional Jello:
FACEMAN’S DIRTY PENNY 2019 ALBUM NAME LIST
1. Same Dress, New Shoes, Different Socks, Similar Hair
2. Sisters of Qwerty
3. Cup of Pee
4. Do Your Best, Forgot The Rest
5. The Wall 2
6. StarPeople
7. This Ship Has Sailed. Just Kidding. No it hasn’t.
8. Santa Cruz’s Own
9. Cloudy With a Chance of Blue Balls
10. My Body, My Prison
11. The Sam Mendes Experiment Problem
12. Comadore Sex T4
13. Flamez of Desyre IV
14. Trapezoid Earth Theory
15. 16
16. Going To Burning Man Was a Gigantic Waste of Time and Money
17. CRNAPPL DRNK
18. Dirty Penny’s Led Zepplin II
19. The Album Album Album
20. Dearly DeSharted
21. Blackjack
22. Devil’s Got a Hold On Me. Just Kidding. No He Hasn’t.
23. Spare Any Climate Change?
24. Two Sticks. Three Picks. One voice. Electricity.
25. Granted a Presidential Hardon
I mean I’m fine with the Yamagucci title just because the hackers that got the album back are like some inter web angels. But no, NO, NOOO, and NOOOO to institutional jello.!! If we choose that I QUIT!!!!
And sorry Yoko. I’ll have the money you lent me paid back by Friday at the latest. I’ll have to get my Dad to transfer money and he’s Spokane for another couple of days. I got fired again last week (the boss was a total dixk).
| Raja Khanna | Feb 18, 2019, 8:25 PM |
Um, can I actually vote for all of Justin’s names? Or at the very least can that be the track list for our next album? Please?
| Brendan Walker | Feb 18, 2019, 9:52 PM |
At least half of Justin’s names are genius.
| Nidhan Grewal | Feb 19, 2019, 5:26 AM |
I’ll
take Institutional Jello over any of the hot garbage just suggested by
JC2, Dearly DeSharted?? The only thing worse than your weak ass
drumming is your weak ass ideas.
Okay, sorry Justin,
that was a bit harsh, I take it back, you’re as natural and kick ass a
drummer as Nicko McBrain, if, ya know, he was a legless armless
quadruple amputee eunuch. Would that make him a quintuple amputee? But
that’s just accounting for the frank, if you then account for the beans
does that make you on par with a hypothetically septuple amputee
McBrain? Where was I going with this?
Oh yah, Justin, stick to drumming, and I need more galloping toms.
| Justin Cathcart | Feb 19, 2019, 8:20 AM |
I
will “stick” to drumming. Ha ha ha. Get it? Because of like drum
sticks? Sorry couldn’t resist. Even if I was a OCTUPLE amputee I’d still
be able DETROY Neil Peart. You know that! Well, maybe not Neil Peart
1976-78. But Neil Peart today? Not a problem. That’s a shame that you
don’t like Dearly DeSharted because it was inspired by your bass playing
and your LOVE for burrito supremes. Remember that show last summer? My
nose sure doesn’t.
And I
wouldn’t ask this unless it was a TOTALLY necessary but can I borrow
your car on Thursday? It would just be for like 3 hours. I know we’re
fighting again (and you’re kind of the one instigating things here) but I
have an interview for this kick ass new job but it’s in Milton. You can
just leave the keys in the mailbox and you won’t even have to see me.
Don’t be a dick!
And Yoko it looks like my Dad
said no to lending me the money to pay you back. I’ll have to find
another way. You’ll for sure have it by 2 Mondays from now. I’ll get my
severance cheque then.
| jason cavener | Feb 19, 2019, 7:23 PM |
Shit, bra. If we had this list 12 years ago all our album titles woulda been different. No shit. You tapped the Source, old horse.
| jason cavener | Feb 19, 2019, 7:27 PM |
I think Jimmy’s got one, too. LEGLESS ARMLESS QUADRUPLE AMPUTEE EUNUCH should be added to the album title renaming options.
| Raja Khanna | Feb 19, 2019, 7:30 PM |
I’m sad Justin didn’t include our drunken titling masterpiece: “Basic StinkStink”