Elite hackers got our album back and legendary genius asshole producer Brendan Bane didn’t seize it.

I’m so happy (and drunk)! Not sure U I’m able to write inteligibly..

This is turning ito a we-e-eird story. It starts with the laww firm Tobyy, Signey and Gannet seizing our record to months ago and it it looks like our producer Brendan Bane didn’t hire them. The day after this crappy news I oder a pizza and gush whole story to my excentric pizza guy. Well I got an email yesterday and it turnsd out the and it turns out that phone call two months ago was not just a conversation with a fun delusional pizzeria owner. I have an appl on my cell that records all my callsI’m glad I haven’t bothered to clear all the recordings since that phone call because it’s a phone call I will cherish my WHOOOLE LIFE. I dont wanna write nomore the story’s all din the vi3eo. Watch the video..

And here’s the original User23 video posted on Vimeo under the name “Bella Yamaguchi”.

I read somewhere that hacking si 10% computer work and 90% looking through someone’s garbag. maybe that’s why this took two months. Anyways, I’m drunk now. Signing off. Here’s our new album cver in thanks to the hackers that saved it all for us.

JUST WOW: Our producer sends lawyers to confiscate our upcoming new album “The Moon” because he doesn’t recall producing it.

“So..uh..wa..its..I..haaag” are just some of the words I said on the phone last night when it became clear that our producer legendary genius asshole, Brendan Bane, sent his lawyers to Lacquer Channel and our studio to confiscate all our music for our upcoming album because he “doesn’t recall producing it”. In short he has launched a legal battle against us because he believes he’s been accused of producing our album. Don’t believe me? Listen to this amazing terrifying phone call I had last evening with Mr. H. Almeda, a lawyer hired by our producer…

I lost my sense of reality after that conversation. Even now, very hungover, I’m able to think clearer. I’m guessing what happened is I should never have posted this Interview with legendary genius asshole producer Brendan Bane on making “The Moon”. We knew he was a little nuts because he’s a genius. We know he’s powerful. I heard he’s doing something with Kendrick Lamarr and Childish Gambino now and is also talking to Led Zeppelin about a new album ( I don’t think Jimi Page has got it in him anymore but the album WILL make a billion dollars ). I guess some powerful people destroy and create the things and people around them as a show of power to make more power? I should never have called him. If you ever see a powerful person run away. You don’t want to get in their view and give them an idea on how you can be used.

God, I’m depressed. I spent a lot of time on those songs. I write all my songs essentially when god tells me to. I never sit down and write a song because it’s on my calendar. I have a box. There are 20 year old napkins in it with songs that came to me at maybe a McDonald’s. When I die most of my box will be unsung because god sends me a lot of songs. So when I get the chance to record them I go a little nuts on the singing. I obsess over it. I practice. I build characters in my voice. I lose sleep at night.  When I get that magic take in the studio and it’s done I’m always a little sad. It’s like watching your child move out.

I don’t see how Brendan Bane would give us back our album ever. It’s just not what happens when giants swing their swords. They don’t look back and are like “oh, sorry about that, lemme get that for you, here’s your arm.” So I’ve decided I’m going to release the lyrics at the very least. Ironically, I co-wrote this one with Brendan Bane and our drummer Justin Cathcart AKA Snowflace AKA Your Business Consultant. It was a great day in the studio. We were on the porch out back, smoking, the sun was warm, laughing our asses off with the lines. I think it’s the first time I ever let others into my songwriting.

I wasn’t thinking clearly through the booze and the tears last night. I just started transcribing the first song that came to my head, “Day is Night”. Sorry for the false promises of a new album at the last show. This and a few more scraps of paper is all we got.

If some words are illegible it’s because of the tears falling on the paper.

Interview with legendary genius asshole producer Brendan Bane on making “The Moon”

Brendan Bane, legendary asshole producer
Brendan Bane, legendary asshole producer

In the summer of 2016 we got Brendan Bane to take a break from producing gold records for Eminem and Peaches and do our 4th record “The Moon” (dropping Oct 2018).  There’s not a wasted moment on this 40 minute album. Over the two weeks it took to record “The Moon”, we grew to understand what a world class producer is: they get the best out of you when they say ‘go’ (at least one out of every three times).

It’s also other things. He knew how to play all our instruments. He corrected the sound engineer.  He quickly decided on a vision for every song and in the end every song came out alive. Disagreements consisted of one or more of us disagreeing with him, him thinking it over for a moment and then either granting or dismissing our requests. We devolved into obedient children around our caring powerful mommy. He got everything useless out of each of our ways so we could do one thing perfectly. He was making us make a great Dirty Penny record. We needed him but he was an expensive asshole. Listen to the interview:

We will be playing a release show in early October. Like our FB Page for updates.

"The Moon" album cover
“The Moon” dropping Oct 2018


Our new drummer, Justin Cathcart


“Justin Cathcart Your Business Consultant” is the new Dirty Penny drummer because once upon a time John Lennon said “yes” to a question and Playboy made it their feature article. Because Tool just spent 8 years in court and that’s why there’s been no new Tool album in 8 years. Captain Beefheart’s “Trout Mask Replica” was a gift from Frank Zappa. “I never said I was a victim of circumstance,” said Billy Joel in “My Life” and so Justin has spent thousands of hours drumming and now has joined our quirky Toronto cult band. Justin is a web marketing multimedia developer film producer analyst everything guy, not a victim.

We auditioned two other drummers. Julia Cleveland is the house drummer at The Rex and Leanne Davies who is a brilliant painter and drummer. We chose Justin. Are we racist? Sexist? Is Salman Rushdie still alive? Probably. One of us has recently been doing work for the Freemasons, not joking. He likes them. Their principles are optimistic and their symbols are elegant, but it’s boys only. Is that wrong? Is a boys only club dedicated to fighting evil wrong? Why not join the Rotary which is co-ed? Their Four Way Test is basically everything awesome about The Bible in 0.001% of the blah, blah. Here’s a quick interview with Justin and you decide.

Q1. If this was an interview for Rolling Stone magazine and the interviewer had just asked the dumbest cliche question in a series of dumb questions and you took the opportunity to say what you really think what would that be?

Ok first off asshole, thanks for taking the time to interview me. Second, you seem like a really nice man or woman but when it comes to choosing questions and it comes to YOU choosing them, a good questions chooser you are not. (Drop the mic. Interviewer crushed.)

Q2. If you were a billionaire with no responsibilities what would you be doing right now?

I admire the efforts Bill and Melinda Gates so I’d probably be a full on rapist. NO, NO, NO! You’re writing that down wrong! A philanthropist, a phil-an-thro-pist! Geez.

Q3. What’s your favourite comfort food?

Comfort pie. One part chopped couch, two parts blanket and a pinch of trashy tv.

Q4. What’s wrong with you?

I play drums for no money. It’s a disease. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Q5. If you had a time machine, when and where in the past would you go and what are your thoughts on the physics of time travel?
Can I only go into the past? I’d want to go to the future. Let’s say 40 years so I’m not totally lost. Justin Bieber would hosting the 127th Oscars and I could be like, “I know him! He was a pop music singing douchebag in my day.”

I’m a tech-enthusiast so I’d want to see the true beginnings of AI. I’m excited, fascinated and terrified by that. I think we’re about 30 years away from the lines beginning to blur between man and machine. And my thoughts on time travel? It’s probably possible in some technical way like we could maybe send a dozen electrons into the future by half a second. But I don’t think it’ll ever be possible for us human folk.

Q6. If your doctor just told you, you have 6 months to live what would you say to her?

That’s amazing! Normally I live each day like it’s my last. What a gift, Doc. What a gift.

Q7. How big are you?

I just showed you like five minutes ago in the bathroom. What? Now you want to see it again? You know already. Small. Embarrassingly small!

Q8. Where’s Osama Bin Laden?
Answer A: Let’s plan a night to watch Zero Dark Thirty.

Answer B: Osama Bin Bama-Care. I don’t really know what that means but it feels right.

Q9. If you could change society in one way what would it be?

Equal pay for women. And making this question #1.

Q10. Anything you wanna add?
I can only hope to be half the drummer that Scott was. I had the honour of seeing him play with Dirty Penny once and I was blown away! Meeting him briefly after the show, I could tell that he had a great personality and a kind heart. I’ll try to do you proud Scott. Rest in peace.

Our drummer and friend, Scott “Candy” Fletcher, has passed away

Scott "Candy" Fletcher, drums, chair, sobriety
Scott “Candy” Fletcher, drums, chair, sobriety

There was nothing mean about Scott “Candy” Fletcher. In the 8 years he has been Dirty Penny’s drummer, not one of us can say he has ever said a mean thing about anyone in or outside the room he was in. He was a shit-hard drummer. Our fans called him “The Machine”. He was the best musician in our group.

Scott passed away last night at Toronto East General Hospital.

Rest in Peace, drummer

The only 4 Queen Elizabeth II Christmas address videos on the internet 1957, 1984, 1997 and 2013 – The Horseshoe Tavern show

JC Penny as "The Emperor of Canada", Dirty Penny at the Horseshoe Tavern, Feb 5th 2014
JC Penny as “The Emperor of Canada”, Dirty Penny at the Horseshoe Tavern, Feb 5th 2014

That was a helluva show. Dirty Penny has been playing for 13 years. We’re really good at our sound now.

Hi, I’m JC Penny, the singer.

So for every show I like to do a character, a little bit of theatre for the eyes. Other bands have criticized us for this. They say “If you were a real band you wouldn’t need that crap.” And we say “Your show sucked.”

For this show I chose ‘The Emperor of Canada’. I wanted to find a voice for him so I researched the past christmas addresses of Queen Elizabeth II. I’ve always been a fan of her style. Her speeches are concise but her choice of words are trully those of an aristocrat. For instance, she would never say the word “sex”, she would say “the removal of each other’s clothing”.

So I went hunting for past Christmas addresses videos and discovered THERE ARE ONLY 4! I might suck at internet research but I spent 45 minutes looking and found only these.

1957 – Sandringham House in Norfolk – The first televised Christmas Broadcast or ‘Queen’s Speech’. (she was cute, I would’ve totally hit on her at a club if I was in my twenties)

1984 – From Windsor Castle – The broadcast also includes the newly born Prince Harry with his brother and parents, along with film of the Royal Family and the Spencers interacting with each other on the day of Harry’s christening. (I’d hit on her at a club now)

1997 – from Buckingham Palace – She starts this one by addressing Princess’s Diana death. It’s also her 50th wedding anniversary to Prince Phillip. (I would talk to her at a club for hours or hit on her with enough liquor)

2013 – She starts this one with “I once knew someone who spent a year in plaster cast. He read a lot and thought a lot and felt miserable.” (I would talk to her at a club for hours)

The Rejected Album Cover for “Sorry Mom”

Hi, it’s the lead singer, JC Penny. How’s it going?

I made this album cover. It came to me years ago when I started writing the songs for our new record (drops Sep 21, 2013) and trying to put myself in the shoes of a mother of a fallen soldier.

I think it’s likely that every soldier’s mother in Canada has that standard military portrait of their son or daughter that is taken after they finish basic training. It sits beside a lamp or hangs on a wall.

Portrait of the late Cpl. Stuart Langridge with parents
Portrait of the late Cpl. Stuart Langridge with parents. Click to go to the National Post article about this young man’s last days.

I reasoned that this portrait becomes terrible and undeniable in the homes of the mothers of fallen soldiers. The album is dedicated to these devastated women and so the cover is a snapshot of the world from their eyes. They see their baby’s faces in that portrait, not young men and women.

The rest of the band says the cover is “creepy”. I see that. It’s weird to see a baby head on a full grown body. Plus, I think they feel like they’re gonna be robbed of that moment when they get to hand their new record to their friends and family. A record with this cover will not be seen by our ageing parents or preteen kids. I tried arguing from this point of view. I said that our music for this record isn’t happy anyway. It’s going to appeal to educated rockers with dark sensibilities. Maybe this is the record that skips our families. I didn’t get far with that one.

Most of the band didn’t outright reject it. They expressed their discomfort but let the primadonna (me) have the final say. On the other hand, it could be that they talked about it while I was in the bathroom and decided to get Raja “Lovely Louie” Khanna, lead guitar, to persuade me to drop it. He did over drinks one night. I could have pulled the artist visionary card and said “You guys don’t see the impact of this cover in the long term,” or the primadonna card “No. This conversation is over. The cover stays,” but I already pulled that card recently on something else so..

The next interesting thing that’s happened is that the venue for our CD release show at The Junction Music Fest rejected this poster on which I used the baby soldier cover image:

SMRTdigipak_template_0.5mmlower_11by17_TEMPLATEThis venue bills itself as equal part art gallery and pub. Now, I’d expect this reaction if it was a picture of Jesus doggie-styling a child-prostitute with a needle in his arm. However there’s nothing purile about this image and an art gallery still rejected it. When I told the story about the venue to my friend who has been a lead singer for 20 years and has produced many albums he said “wow, you got a good album cover.”

I’m starting to think it’s not just that my cover is a bit icky to look at. I think I might have made an image that is too icky to talk about. And I did it without cocks or boobs or intravenous needles. Of course, If we were The Arcade Fire the cover would’ve been lauded as an edgy political piece, compelling and damning. Oh, Canada.

When Sasha Baron Cohen was interviewed last year by Strombolopoulos in his The Dictator character he was asked “So, Dictator, how do you like Canada?” to which he replied “I like it very much. Your people are like my people: quiet.” Unfortunately, I find it hard to argue with this silly man’s point.

“Sorry Mom” to be released September 21st 2013 for sure

Dirty Penny has had a terrible ride making this record. 3 producers in 4 years, many depressions, some fights that were not about the record but clearly about the record, over-budget, despondency, murder (of insects), the bassist is pissed off because he’s been in the band for 4 years and he’s still not on an album.

It’s not anything like our other albums.  It’s a big grim political rock record for and about the mothers of fallen soldiers.  It’s not very long though.  It just reaches the 30 minute mark on album length.  Does this mean it’s an EP?

So this is good. We’re playing at Axis Gallery and Grill on September 21st, two months from now. We’ll be playing the whole night, all 3 albums back to back, and releasing our third.

For more comedy about the making of our third record see our Facebook page.

NYC Show @ The Local 269 – CMJ Music Festival

Hi it’s JC Penny, the singer.

I showed up a couple of hours before the show and the first thing I noticed inside the door of Local 269 is ammonia. I think people barf there a lot. However the sound was terrific. I felt at home as soon as I started screaming.

We had a perfect time and many people who weren’t our friends came up and thanked us for the great show including the manager/owner. I didn’t get to talk to him beyond him saying “I really enjoyed that” to me and then rushing off to clean something.

My father came and we spent 3 days walking up and down Manhattan. To me, Manhattan is the city in my dreams. Whether I’m running from something or flying, the background is Manhattan. It’s immense, dense, and lavish.

Finally, I want to apologize to the nice people who drove all the way from Delaware to see California Dirty Penny. We had no control over this. It was a music festival. I hope you enjoyed the cupcakes we offered. I understand if you threw them in the street. Delaware is far, I think.

singin Happy Birthday Ghengis - click to see more
singin Happy Birthday Ghengis - click to see more - photo by Terence Collins Aw, Yeah